Friday, April 21, 2006
i am falling for yet another person i shouldnt fall for.
darn.
i dont want it to end the same way again.
i leave things to fate.
man. issit gonna be a heartache and nightmare all over again.
i dont know.
and i dont dare to know.
training at amkss tdy was damn sucky. new players came in. and though they were new, they could service.wth. i am gonna buck up. mel jia you! My spiking improved tdy..and as usual, i was made to play subset in match again.haiyo.
thats what friends are for;
1:08 AM
Sunday, April 16, 2006
ok.
day started: 9.00am.
how it started: Woken up by mum, dragged myself out of bed, and brushed teeth.
what happened next: Ate breakfast. Mum treated me to my first facial ever.
Bad experience man! I wonder why people on tv shows seem to enjoy facials so much!! They rub weird stuff on your face, all different smells. Then they steam your face and use pincers kinda thingys to squeeze out your pimples and black heads, making your face swell like a bazooka. (I cudnt go face the vballers after that la! So didnt even need to consider whether to go sentosa not.zz.) Then they dunno put some weird mask stuff or so they call it on yr face for 20 mins. Then they anyhow pluck your eyebrows, which make me look so much fiercer now.zz!! argh! major disaster la! I have to go to work liddat?!
Then?
Went shopping with my mum aka my dearest ATM machine. =)
But sadded la. Only bought 2 shirts. And both are green! Gosh, I suddenly love green.
One was a bossini top, the other was an espirit top ($29.90 only eh! espirit somemore!) =P but i saw a nice espirit skirt, nvr buy..cuz..$99.90 sia! cannot waste money!
School's starting tmr..man.its like 6 weeks passed so quickly. I really am gonna miss the hols. Now i gotta travel to woodlands everyday.gosh.
So tired.
Watched a sucky movie man
so totally waste time one.
I almost fell asleep there!
Never watch Inside Man, unless u love to hear people talk non stop and only a little bit of action involved, and u end up wondering half the show why this thing is liddat and that thing is liddat!
Ahh.A peanut butter sandwich just saved me life. was starving man. ate dinner to early.
Nothing to write ler! Gonna change my blog layout.
Argh. why I super mood swings today. dunno.
thats what friends are for;
12:10 AM
Saturday, April 15, 2006
ahhh.fish. i am in w35q. Same class as the only vballer in biotech.how coincidental can that be!!! O_o
faint ler la. AND I DIDNT GET MY ELECTIVE. What an ass school. GPA of 3.55 not enough!? Then how come Huey Jin's gpa lower she get into IPBMS?! They use what, throw darts or 4D method to decide who gets in ah?! Where's the fairness?!!
zzz.nth to say liao.
thats what friends are for;
12:58 AM
Friday, April 14, 2006
cramps.
cramps.
more cramps.
arghh.think i dont wanna go sentosa tmr alrdy, though I really wanna play beach vball with everyone la. but so inconvenient.zzz. I wanna play with everyonee, cause its the last time we can have fun before school starts! sad.
Nevermind. I am sure there'll be another chance.
Sunday work again. Sian.
Super sian.
Work life is damn boring.
Bowled my high score tdy! I only had one open frame and ended up with a score of 184! =) Though if those blardy hongkees didnt distract me, then i wouldnt have missed. zzz.
Then went out for dinner with my mum's side of family, (cuz dad go OBS pulau ubin with company =P), but cudnt enjoy the food much. Ate a bit of cold mango pudding only nearing died of cramps alrdy.zzz.
gonna pick up guoyuan's,yingying's and qiao qiao's fashion sense for the new term. but no time go buy any clothes. argh.
jiehui! why u nvr play maple with me tdy! =( So bored la.Maple until sian alrdy. Lvl 42 so hard lvl le.
anyway, why did Roy say me and mingyao become hot topic alrdy!? wth?! I DONT LIKE HIM!!! and i will NEVER WILL..zz.
And not ryan either.please lo.he's my tuition friend and he has a gf la!
uh oh.chang jin starting alrdy. gtg!
thats what friends are for;
9:50 PM
YES. I finally gained coach's attention today. I surprised him by serving 90+% of my balls over! YES! I know he was a little impressed.cuz he always condemned me for not being able to serve. But tdy i proved him wrong! i served from the outer line and it all went over, even under stress! (except for 2 la). Then i did a nice save in front of him during da dui.so happy! even set 3 nice balls(but the rest were shitified). I can do it. I must. Why did i put in so much effort and time if i cannot make it to the team? I have to do it. Played with phloy today. super shiok eh! the thought of having spike and someone to receive so well that u can set it nicely back to her..its super shiok. never had that shiokness for a long long time! =) zai zai zai!! I can spike alrdy also! much better than from 2 weeks ago. I wanna gain coach's attention. I wanna show him I can be a useable player!
Ok. Great.Waited for madd for another 1.5 hrs tdy. wth sia. I was so pissed i had half a mind of leaving and going home. imagine.ytd i worked for 8 hrs, the day before, 9 hrs, and all standing throughout. Then tdy i had to wait 1.5 hrs for madd. previously, there were also 4 other times that she was at least.mind you. AT LEAST 1 hr late each.so i was so damn pissed i didnt even speak to her throughout our whole lunch at bugis foodcourt. but we talked again when i gave her a lollipop candy and she bought me a drink to say sry. but still.i felt like an idiot waiting aimlessly.
GOSH. wenyan and madd just told me something irksome. wth?! Mingyao apparently likes me?! First was sihui. then wenyan.and now me?! he told them that he was gonna jio me once sch starts. great.thats abt like..maybe..3 days?! -_-" somebody saveeeee me. apparently he told yan n madd that wallace likes me too. -__-" i know being loved is something great..but being loved by people that are deemed...and people i dont like is...comforting.but still..how! how am i supposed to deviate.
WHOA. so that stalker guy in japan last dec was ryan! There was this guy who was wearing about the same specs as me, staring at me during my japan trip last year. He stared at me in the hotel lobby when we happened to stay at the same hotel, he stared at me at narita airport, he stared at me in singapore airport (same flight home) and he stared at me when I so coincidently met him again at Robinsons! GOsh. i was so freaked about having a stalker.hahaha. And it so turns out that he was my sec 4 tuition friend!! Oo.i didnt know he changed alot.look so matured ler. haha. And guess wad?! he's now in RP too! Yr 1 SIT student. =) yay.day 1 of sch's lunch settled. gonna have lunch with him. funny how coincidental things turn out to be man. scary. i rmb my bro actually made this sweeping comment after we saw him again at robinson, "jie, if u meet him again, then i think its fated and u will eventually end up with him". -_-" ok.wth.change topic. dunno if i shld nagg ryan to join vball.cuz he's new to it. aww man.
okok.enough said for today.
3 days to sch.great. no more work. Working life sux.
Western Food, seeya on monday! =)
thats what friends are for;
1:28 AM
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
*^%$#@#$% coach.
Bloody hell.
Had about enough from him.
I tried so hard, so hard just to gain his recognition. But time and again, he keeps condemning me in front of the whole team. He passes judgement with both eyes closed. I really had enough, WTF is he trying to do by downing me and mocking me in front of the whole team time and again? In his eyes, I'll never. NEVER be his standard. All my efforts have come to naught. I feel so helpless.So useless. The injustice. The agony. The sorrow. I cant believe I actually cried on my own during training just now. It shows how much I love vball, it shows how much I have tried. But arrogant francis just doesnt wanna admit it, that in this 2 wks since I have challenged him, I have improved tremendously. he just doesnt see it. HE will NEVER see it either. wth am i trying so hard for. wth am i hoping to gain his atention. wth am i such an idiot. someone slap me n wake me up please. wth am i doing all this. wthhhhhh. damnit, i gtg to work with swollen eyes and blocked nose tmr.zzz.
mel's mood: An all time low. ='( Time out.alonee.
6 days till sch reopens
my hectic life's gonna begin again.
but anything beats working.
thats what friends are for;
1:20 AM
Thursday, April 06, 2006
好难过.
My hardwork and effort will never be recognised by the coach. At least thats how I feel. 4 times the same kind of ball, and I receive and hit it so nicely to him, and he has to say "heng one" or "lucky one"..can I ever be lucky 4 times in a row?!
好自责.
I feel that I am the one far far behind alot of people, and its unfair to them when they train with me, cause I'll only hinder their progress. I feel so useless. I put in effort, yet I am still far behind them in coach's eyes. My hardwork will never pay off.
好伤心.
Sii, says she feels that no one is treating training seriously anymore and that she thinks she's not improving this way.
I also feel that there's hardly any fighting spirit left in the team.
Everyone is joking away.
Everyone is laughing.
Even Coach looks down on the team. The only person he worships is Rena. Oh mighty Rena.
When will we ever get the recognition.
When will the effort I put in ever pay off.
I feel so useless.
I feel so helpless.
I want to improve, but there's no one to help me.
Coach doesnt even point out our mistakes to us, unlike Bao Kun in the past.
I dont know what to do anymore.
I only know I'll continue to fight
I'll never leave the team unless they dont want me anymore.
Thanks you for caring for me. 可是,我不知该开心或难过...
其实, 我还满显目ah sii 的. So many people care for her. Gary, Perng Ceat, Kai, and all of the girls' team. She's really one lucky girl. I know you'll improve girl. Jia you. Dont feel so disheartened. We 5 will jia you ok..I promise to give my best, (why am i writing this, she doesnt even know my blog exists. haiii.)
好无奈, 好自责, 好难过, 好累.
ps. whoever said darcy is handsome...please.change.spectacles. -___-"
thats what friends are for;
11:56 PM
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
既然我已选择放弃, 就该勇往直前, 不要再会头了.
At least now you know how I feel about you.
How did you know i intended to abandon this blog?
Even though I might abandon it, the memories written here will never fade.
必尽这种感觉, 是我这一身中, 第一次有的一种感觉. 也是第一次, 没有被回应的感觉.
I want to start afresh once the new term starts.
one year...is enough. 我也累了.
you'll always be my best friend in my heart, and I'll always lend a listening ear or reassuring shoulder if you need one. (Just please dont reply one word only, it can be abit annoying sometimes.)
Sorry that I am not the right one for you.
你也要在感情上加油喔~
To sacrifice all you have and not gain anything in return, is very 伟大, but it will also get very very tiring after awhile(this comes from personal experience), so, 每当你觉得精疲力尽的时后, 就来我这儿诉苦吧, 我随时欢迎. gambatte ne!
我会当你一辈子的知心朋友的 =)
truly.
Rp girls chalet over ler. Even i was being gossiped about, though I pretended not to hear. All of them were sitting together, and talking about kai, and gillian started on how he was so close to her friend(Beatrice) at one time, and when the rest asked why they werent together, she stared and gestured towards me. Great. What has it gotta do with me. Nevermind. Just keep quiet. Things will eventually die down and be forgotten. But this chalet, has really brought us girls close together. The truth game we played, really made me realised why one should never judge a book by its cover, nor a person by his/her face. I learnt secrets of everyone. And the 3 days of Chalet, was a most memorable one to me, because, for once in my life, I feel like I am a part of the vball family.
Still rmb the days when huey jin was in the team, everyone ostracised me along with her. All the seniors gave me attitude, though I did nothing at all. Thank goodness they made it clear to me how they use to think about me. Feel like it was injustice to me and madeline man. Wen Yan has already given up on vball and quitted. I dont think I can ever get her to come back.
Friends come and go i guess. she'll still be my friend, but I dont think she'll ever be as close friends as me and madd anymore. But I still wish her the best with her KC. At least, she has someone to take care of her and love her, so me n madd neednt worry. =)
Ok, enough for today.
resolution of the day: Slim down ah mel! and to YOU, jia you k! =)
thats what friends are for;
2:33 PM
